Thirty....

So.. Everyone says your thirties are the best years of your life. You know who you are, you know where your going and where you want to be. So, I am starting this blog to share my thought and experiences to see if what they really say is true.

I turned 30 about 6 weeks ago and so far its been shitty! The past 2 years have been shitty for me, but I think that I thought maybe, just maybe, that when I turned 30 that everything would just magically change. I guess I watched too many Disney movies when I was younger. Instead, for my 30th birthday I spent the night in jail! Now, I have never been a trouble maker, I stand up for what I think is right but never have I ever been in trouble with the law. It was the most humiliating and traumatizing thing I have ever experienced in my life! I wasn't charged with anything serious and we really shouldn't have been arrested. I am sure everyone says that. I wont go into what happened right now, but thats how my 30's have started. It took me a couple weeks to get over the pain and embarrassment from the whole thing and the injuries I suffered, not just physically but emotionally, are still healing and I will be left with scars from it for the rest of my life.

So, I should start by telling you I am that single 30yo that everyone asks why am I still single and not married. Well, I haven't found the right person yet. I know God will bring that person into my life when its meant to happen and until then I just try to understand why I am at this place in my life. You know when you were a little girl and you dreamed of how your life would be one day when you were "old" and 30? Well, this is definitely NOT how I imagined it. I thought by now I would have a successful career, a man I love, engaged and on my way to having my own family. So, the question is, am I happy where I am in life, am I disappointed or am I just surviving? Honestly, I would have to say I am a little disappointed and just getting by, and barely! Its so hard right now to be a single woman in this world. Your trying to juggle so many things, work, finances, dating and then the stress of every day life. I look at my friends that are married and have a family and think, its gotta be so much easier for them. But then sometimes I think, not really. I can sleep in late on my days off. I don't have to get kids ready for school in the morning, I don't have to have cook dinner or do homework. I can take off anytime and just go wherever my heart wants to take me.

So really, who has it better? The single, lonely, 30yo still out there wishing on stars and hoping prince charming is going to come sweep her up off her feet, or is it the 30yo mom that has a family to take care of? Whose life is filled with more happiness and joy? In my opinion, I might be free but I yearn for the moment my dad walks me down the isle to give me away; to hold my new born baby in my arms; to see the joy in my husbands face when he takes hold of that little childs hand, and to see my parents smile as they watch my children run into their arms. With all the stress that marriage and children can bring, I still think its more fulfilling then this life I lead as a single 30yo.

I guess I will have to see what Gods plan is for me. I know He has to have something special out there waiting for me to discover. I have to keep believing that to get me to the next day and the next week. I hope that I have been through is just making me stronger and preparing me for this exciting adventure He has out there for me. Thing is, how do I find it???